Girls, dough-nut forget your worth

Today we celebrate women. On International Women’s Day it is a chance, more than ever, to champion female achievements; inspire girls to dream big; cheer on your girl gang to be confident and comfortable in their own mind and skin; and show ourselves a major dose of self-lovin’.

It turns out that our movement to gender parity and our growing awareness of mental health aren’t so very different after all . We recognise that we won’t have complete gender equality or a complete understanding of mental health overnight- in fact, we’re apparently still 200 years off gender parity (blimey). However, in the year of #MeToo and Time’s Up, Heads Together and Fearless Femme, we can definitely say that we are far from giving up on either cause.

On a day where women should feel strong, empowered and supported, it’s hard to fathom why so many can very easily feel the exact opposite. With depression, it is far too regular that one can instead feel powerless, weak and alone.

Something which I struggle with and makes me feel particularly weak is that, due to my mental health, I’m sometimes unable to do as much as I used to. Whether work, social activities or even the basic tasks of getting out of bed, bathing etc., sometimes it is just too hard. As much as I can remind myself that my depression isn’t forever and that the storm will pass, it is terrifically hard to come to terms with not being able to cope with as much responsibility or stress as I was able to when I was well. It makes me feel a failure.

During my third year at university, a culmination of things meant that I hit a very hard dip in my mental health. It felt a little like I was an old faulty car, the type that has such a place in your heart that you refuse to get rid of it. Every time I experienced another emotional knock, it was as if the engine had given out again. I’d have to collect myself, patch myself up, and keep on trucking. Another knock would come. Again, I’d put a brave face on, take some time out and try again. Soon enough, the knocks added up and the pushing on became harder to do. Finally came the fateful diagnosis: the old banger needs more than a patch up. Translation: you really need take some time out and care for yourself.

With the help of my supportive personal tutor, that’s what I did. I was able to take several leave of absences from university. I was able to delay some of my exams, and after months of support, I came to the decision to add another year to my university saga, and now study my remaining modules from home.

I can’t say that I never compare myself to my peers or that I never feel incredibly far away from where I want to be… but I will happily say that these last months have been a breakthrough in the way I think about, and tackle, my depression- and that is something I can only be grateful for.

Truth is, however much you feel the contrary, you are doing the most courageous and brave of things: you’re surviving. You are doing the best you bloody can, and there is no way that is never enough.

On a lighter note, I have not only a recipe but a book to recommend this week. ‘Everything I Know About Love’, Dolly Alderton’s debut book, is a delightfully real depiction of how, no matter what young adult life throws at you, the love of your friends will always carry you through. I mean, what better for IWD?!

Now, it’s time you dough-nut worry and be happy with this recipe from blue-eyes himself, Mr Paul Hollywood…

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Ingredients
For the doughnuts 

  • 250g/9oz strong white flour, plus extra for flouring
  • 25g/1oz caster sugar
  • 20g/¾oz unsalted butter, softened
  • 1 free-range egg
  • 7g instant yeast
  • 5g salt
  • 75ml/2½fl oz warm milk
  • sunflower oil, for deep fat frying

For the icing 

  • 200g/7oz icing sugar
  • 1 lemon, zest only

To serve 

  • 1 lemon, zest only

Method 

  1. For the doughnuts, place all the ingredients into a large bowl (except the sunflower oil) with three tablespoons of water.
  2. Stir with your hands to make a dough.
  3. Gradually add another another tablespoon of water and massage in the bowl for four minutes.
  4. Tip the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead well for 10 minutes, or until the dough is smooth and elastic.
  5. Place into a bowl and leave to rise for 40 minutes, covered with a damp tea towel.
  6. Tip the dough out, again onto a very lightly floured surface.
  7. Divide the dough in half.
  8. With a floured rolling pin, roll out the dough quite thinly to about 1cm/½in thick. Cut into rounds using an 8cm/3¼in straight sided round cutter, then use a 2cm/¾in cutter to cut holes out of the middle.
  9. Spin each doughnut on your index finger to expand the hole.
  10. You should be able to cut out about eight doughnuts from this dough. Place all circles onto an oiled baking tray, loosely cover with cling film, not allowing it to touch the top of the doughnuts and leave to rise for 30 minutes.
  11. Preheat a deep fat fryer, filled with sunflower oil to 180C/350F (Caution: hot oil can be dangerous; do not leave unattended.)
    If, like me, you don’t own a deep fat fryer, have no fear! A deep heavy-based frying pan filled to a 1/3 with the oil works just as well.
  12. Drop each doughnut in separately, cooking each side for about a minute or until golden-brown. Remove with a slotted spoon and place onto a plate lined with kitchen towel to soak up the excess oil.
  13. Leave to cool.
  14. For the icing, gradually add 25ml/1fl oz of cold water to the icing sugar. It will eventually turn into a thick paste. Stir in the lemon zest.
  15. When the whole doughnuts have cooled, brush the tops of the doughnuts with the icing. Sprinkle over a little more lemon zest.
  16. Leave to set on a cooling rack, to cool completely.

 

Follow this recipe to the letter, and (trust me) you’ll have some delightful results. Tip: throw out the diet for a day and eat these while they’re at their freshest and most divine.

Big love, and happy International Women’s Day ladies! X

 

 

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Always look on the bright slice of life

Happy 2018! Or, should I say, Happy 20-GREAT-een!

Many people set themselves New Year’s resolutions, wanting to capitalise on the opportunity to try new things, improve on current things, but ultimately hoping the year starts off the best it can.

So, when we set our resolutions with our expectations too high, we can leave ourselves feeling failures. When you suffer with depression, this kind of failure can trigger a spiral of negative thoughts about ourselves, and we feel more deflated than ever.

That’s why this year my resolutions, or more ‘promises to myself for 2018’, are solely based around self-care, and include a few simple bits of guidance to myself, making sure I approach each ‘resolution’ positively and, importantly, without the pressure.

EXERCISE

Mid-way through December 2017 I saw this:

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Now, it’s said that ‘curiosity killed the cat’, and there was a thought of mine that ‘running may kill the Meg’. BUT, my overriding thought was…

‘Hey, I could promote better mental health, influence people to take better care of themselves, spread awareness and understanding of depression and anxiety- AND all the while get myself in a better physical and mental state’.

… So I signed up, and, for over 2 weeks now, I’ve plagued social media platforms with selfies (classic Meg) and videos of my running journey.

And you know what? I’ve loved every bloomin’ minute.

This hasn’t always been my mindset. Gosh, no. Having suffered with depression since age 16, I would be a millionaire- well, out of my overdraft- for all the times a doctor has told me the benefits of physical exercise on your mental health. But that wasn’t me, no. I hated exercise. I was that girl that would go to the gym regularly for a month, lose interest, and pay for 3 extra months without visiting, before finally admitting defeat and cancelling my membership. It’s because of this that I coined the label of ‘exercisephobe’, which I really think should be considered an entry into the English Dictionary at some point.

With that self-assigned title, and knowing how much of a flake I am at sticking to ANYTHING, I did worry I wouldn’t be able to complete #REDJanuary. Was I setting myself  up for a fall? As it turns out, no, I wasn’t. The beauty of #REDJanuary lies in its name: ‘Run EveryDay January‘. Running everyday, and not just 2 or 3 times a week, makes it a commitment you cannot avoid or ‘blow off’ until another day. Its also shown me how quickly your body can adapt to exercise. On Day 1, I couldn’t run 2 minutes without needing a break/walk. Maybe it was the NYE hangover or the- frankly hideous- amount of pigs and blankets I devoured over Christmas, but I felt so unfit. 2 weeks on, I can go for 15-20 minute runs. Yes, I’m knackered afterwards, but more importantly I am so, so proud of myself. That feeling is something that can really escape you when you’re going through dark times, so to feel it again genuinely means the absolute world.

So, here’s to the rest of #REDJanuary, and to the 5k I plan to take part in next week! You really, really can surprise yourself.

 

You can visit my JustGiving page at: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/meg-manganaro2017

 

SLEEP

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Those suffering from a mental illness can have their sleeping patterns affected in different ways. You can experience insomnia, feeling you’re unable to switch-off from your thought processes. When this happens, it is a very dark and lonely place to be. Conversely, you can find yourself more tired than usual, and therefore needing more sleep than your ‘norm’.

Either way, disturbed sleep can have a massive knock-on effect to your mood and functionality. Because of the power a good night’s sleep can have, it is really worthwhile practicing good sleep hygiene.

During my days as a student, I can admit I definitely neglected the importance of sleep. Now, however, I’ve adopted my very own toolkit:

  • Screens away an 30 mins/1 hour before bed. Exposure to light in the late evening tends to delay the phase of our internal clock and lead us to prefer later sleep times. So, pop that laptop, TV or mobile phone away for the last part of your evening- Instagram can wait until tomorrow.
  • Avoid consuming caffeine in the late afternoon or evening. I now swap my normal cuppa tea for a herbal one, or even a hot chocolate when it reaches 4/6 hours before my desired bedtime.
  • Keep to a general bedtime. 
  • Use sleep-inducing fragrances. I use a lavender spray over my bed linen, and ‘Sleepy’ body lotion from Lush, just for that extra bit of snooziness. Zzzzz.
  • Herbal tablets. I occasionally use Kalms Night tablets when I’m experiencing a period of sleep deprivation, just to help me get back on track and sleepy around my desired bedtime.
  • De-stressing activities. Have a bath, read a book. Chill.

 

As with any symptoms you might experience as a result of mental illness, keep your doctor in the loop. I’m lucky enough to have a lovely doctor, who clearly cares a lot about my wellbeing, and now also- in my eyes, at least- she’s a sleep guru.

 

ALCOHOL

A few months ago I wouldn’t want to admit that sometimes I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. However, I also made a pact to myself not too long ago to be open and honest about as much as I can- because it really is liberating and healing.

I have occasionally used alcohol as a way to self-sabotage. It is something I can abuse, so that I feel more relaxed, or even to ‘numb’ myself. Equally, I have sometimes found that alcohol relaxes me in social situations, and when enjoying myself I can sometimes mistake that more alcohol equates to a better time.

The difficulty is that doing so, hurting myself in this way, feeds into my depression. On nights out, detrimental thoughts I have internalised can emerge, such as feelings that I’m undeserving of friends. This obviously affects the way I’m feeling, and no doubt those whom I am with, who have no idea why all of sudden I may have changed in mood. I think we can all agree, that is no fun for anyone.

As a response to this, I have decided to treat alcohol with a great deal more care in 2018, and beyond. I have limited my drinking to weekends and social occasions, and already feel better for doing so.

It’s far from the end of addressing my drinking behaviour, but it’s most definitely a steady and positive step in the right direction!

 

BASICALLY… BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Before experiencing depression to the severity I have, I never realised it could be such a triumph to just get up in the morning. But, it is.

The most simple of everyday tasks can, and should, be celebrated. Looking after yourself should be celebrated. Fighting for those better days in the future- that WILL come, you cannot lose sight of that- should be celebrated, especially when depression has sapped you of your self-belief.

I know all too well that saying this stuff is far, far easier than believing it, let alone practicing it. If, like me, you struggle to be kind to yourself, here’s a great place to start: An open letter to anyone currently struggling with their mental health. Equally, if you know someone suffering with depression or just simply want to understand more about it, this is a super helpful insight.

Other, frankly soul-warming, resources worth taking a peek at include:

Why we need to celebrate small act of ‘boring self-care’

Why surviving deserves more credit than we give it

How to be a friend to ourselves

Or, if you fancy self-care you can literally get your hands on, I could not praise this book enough. The Blurt Foundation has always spoken to me in the most raw, understanding way- and now they have a book! The reviews speak for themselves.

 

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And if, or when, you’re ready to put that self-care into motion: when you wake up tomorrow, do what I plan to do. Tell yourself just 4 words:

‘You are good enough.’

Because, you really are.

 

From ingredients for my happy and healthy 2018, to ingredients for this week’s bake:  Lemon & Elderflower Marble Cake 

 

 

With a showstopper of a cake comes a lot of work, so I baked over 2 days. On the first I made the lemon curd and the macaroons, and stored them until the following day, but it is completely up to you how you tackle it…

LEMON CURD
Zest and juice of 1 large lemon
1 large egg
90g caster sugar 
55g unsalted butter, cut into small chunks
¾ tsp cornflour 

Lightly whisk the eggs in a medium-sized saucepan, then add the rest of the ingredients and place the saucepan over a medium heat.

Whisk continuously until the mixture thickens – about 7-8 minutes. Next, lower the heat to its minimum setting and let the curd gently simmer for a further minute, continuing to whisk.

After that, remove it from the heat. Now pour the lemon curd into hot, sterilised jar(s)*, and seal while it is still hot. Allow to cool and set before using it later to sandwich your cake.

Any leftover curd will keep for several weeks, but it must be stored in a cool place.

* To sterislise jars, they should be washed in mild soapy water, rinsed and dried and heated in a medium oven for 5 minutes.

 

ROSEWATER & WHITE CHOCOLATE MACAROONS
Makes approx. 50

180g ground almonds 
175g icing Sugar  
4 egg whites 
½ tsp rosewater 
3 Drops pink food colouring 
50ml water 
160g caster sugar 
150g white chocolate 
75g double cream 

Mix the ground almonds in a food processor for 30 seconds and then sift to ensure they’re as fine as possible. Sift the icing sugar into the ground almonds.

Measure 60g of egg whites and stir in to the almonds and icing sugar along with the rose water extract and colouring to make a thick paste.

Place the water and the golden caster sugar into a small saucepan and heat. Bring to the boil and cook until the temperature reaches 118°C. Do not over stir or the syrup will crystallise. Remove from the heat.

Place the remaining egg whites in a bowl. Whisk into soft peaks, gradually adding the sugar syrup. Whisk on high until the mixture has thickened and stands in firm peaks. Fold the mixture into the ground almonds.

Heat oven to 170°C (fan 150°C, gas mark 3). Line three baking sheets with baking parchment and pipe your mixture in rounds roughly the size of a 10p piece (or, for a cleaner finish, I used a silicon macaroon mould). Leave for 30 minutes at room temperature before baking.

 

Bake for 10 minutes then cover with baking parchment and bake for a further 4-5 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.

Place the cream and white chocolate in a small saucepan and heat until melted and smooth. Leave to cool and then use to sandwich your macaroons together.

Store in an airtight container.

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CAKE
250g butter
300g caster sugar
4 large eggs
zest of 2 lemons
350g (gluten-free) self raising flour
1 tsp salt
3 tbsp elderflower cordial 

DRIZZLE: 
juice of 3 lemons
200 g icing sugar
2 ½ tbsp elderflower cordial

BUTTERCREAM 
100g butter
250g icing sugar
zest of 1 lemon
3 tbsp elderflower cordial 

Preheat your oven to 180C/ gas 4. Grease and line two 20cm cake tins.

Cream together butter and sugar until pale and fluffy. Add the eggs one by one, beating well after each, and then lemon zest, beating again. Sift the flour and the salt together and then fold them into the mixture. Once combined, add the cordial and mix again.

Divide the batter between your tins as evenly as you can, and bake for around 45 minutes, or until the cakes are risen, golden, and firm.

While the cakes are baking, make the drizzle. Put the lemon juice and icing sugar into a small saucepan and heat gently until the sugar dissolves. Take the pan off the heat and let the mixture cool slightly, and then add the cordial.

Immediately after you take the cakes out of the oven, puncture all over with a skewer or a fork, and pour the syrup over the cakes while they are still warm. It will seem like there is too much liquid, but the cakes will eventually drink it up.

Once the cakes have cooled completely, remove them from the tins. To make the buttercream, beat the butter with an electric whisk until it’s completely soft. Sift the icing sugar over the butter, then add the cordial, and beat. Add the lemon zest and blend again.

Up-end one cake on a plate and spread lemon curd over the surface. Repeat with the buttercream (be careful at this point to leave enough buttercream to cover the cake with a thin layer of icing, known as a crumb coat), then top with the remaining cake. Now the cakes are sandwiched together, cover completely with the remaining buttercream.

 

MARBLE FONDANT  

Assortment of coloured royal icings  

-OR- 

1 pack of white royal icing 

Assortment of food colourings 

If you have bought white royal icing, tear into several chunks. To dye, use a few drops of your desired food colouring and knead.

Press pieces of coloured fondant icing/roll-out icing together. Knead briefly to blur the colours.

Dust your worksurface and rolling pin with icing sugar then roll out the icing.

Carefully transfer to your cake, smooth down the surface starting at the top then trim the base with a small sharp knife.

See how it’s done right here: How to make marble fondant

 

A great way to further decorate your cake while attaching your macaroons is with…

WHITE CHOCOLATE BUTTERCREAM
100g unsalted butter
¼ tsp vanilla extract
250g/1lb 10oz icing sugar
50g/5½oz white chocolate, melted 

Cream the butter, vanilla and icing sugar together in a bowl until light and fluffy. Stir in the melted chocolate.

 

 

 

Decorate as desired; I used an edible glitter spray to add that little bit of extra sparkle!

 

Until next time,

Meg xoxo

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GBBO Week 2: Biscuit Box Showstopper

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Gluten-free Lemon & Elderflower Shortbread Box with Raspberry and White Chocolate Biscuits

First things first, I don’t particularly thrive at biscuits. I like baking cake- I know cake, I can do cake. Biscuits, however, have never really been my bag… So, with it being biscuit week in the tent and having yet to have participated in the Great Blogger’s Bake Off 2015, I plucked up the courage and decided to face my biscuit fear. The best way to do that… The showstopper challenge of course! It took a lot of effort and patience- having a few mishaps along the way- but I did it! (And I have to say I’m pretty chuffed with it too!). To see other fab recipes and entries, visit: www.mummymishaps.co.uk 

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So, starting with the box…

Lemon & Elderflower Shortbread

400g Gluten-free Plain Flour

150g Caster Sugar

150g Butter (Cubed)

2 tbsp Golden Syrup

100ml Elderflower Cordial

Rind of 1 Lemon

A few (Approx 5) Boiled Sweets

Pre heat the oven to 220°C.
Sift the flour into a bowl and add the cubed butter. Use your fingertips to rub the butter into the flour until it looks like breadcrumbs.
Heat the elderflower cordial, lemon rind and golden syrup in a small pan. Pour into the flour and butter mixture and add the sugar.
Continue to mix all the ingredients together with your hands until it comes together in a ball.
Remove and divide into two balls and place on a floured surface.

Butter a large baking tray.

Roll out the doughs one at a time and using a template/ruler, cut out the 4 walls (W 12cm x H 6 cm) and a lid (W 12cm x H 12 cm) of the box

With remaining dough, cut shapes to decorate the box (I used heart cookie cutters!)

Place all pieces on baking trays, and cut a 8cm x 8cm window from the lid

Cook for 8-10 minutes, until golden on the edges.

Whilst cooking, place the boiled sweets in a pestle and mortar or into a food processor and crush until a rough sand texture

With about 3- 4 minutes left on the timer, sprinkle the crushed sweets into the hole in the lid to make a stained glass effect

Cool on a rack before decorating.

Royal Icing

1 egg white

225g Icing Sugar

1 tsp Lemon Juice

For the icing, whisk the egg whites in a large bowl until frothy.

Using a wooden spoon or a hand-held electric mixer on slow speed, add the icing sugar a tablespoonful at a time.

Stir in the lemon juice and beat the icing until it is very stiff and white and stands up in peaks.

Cover the surface with a damp cloth if not using immediately.

Using a piping bag or palette knife, pipe or spread icing over each part of the box and decorate as desired (I used freeze dried raspberries and the extra heart biscuits!)

Pipe a line of icing onto the display board and stick the first biscuit wall to the board (I struggled to get the biscuit to stay upright so used mini cocktail sticks to secure it while the icing set)

Repeat this for the other sides of the box, piping icing along the wall edge in order to join the sides together

Place the lid on the top and ice any plain areas to give the box a neat effect

Leave to set for at least 4 hours

Tip: Leftover royal icing can be kept in the fridge for up to a week in a glass/stainless steel bowl and cling fling placed directly on top of the icing

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Raspberry & White Chocolate Biscuits

250g Gluten-free Plain Flour
200g Butter, cut into small cubes

100g Icing Sugar
Pinch of Salt
2 Egg Yolks

60g White Chocolate

Raspberry Jam (Shop bought or home-made)

Preheat the oven to 170C/325F/Gas 3.
Place the flour, butter, icing sugar and salt into a bowl. Using your fingertips, rub the ingredients together until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs.

Add the egg yolks and mix until a dough forms. Turn out onto a lightly floured work surface and roll out to a thickness of about 0.5cm/¼in. Cut out shapes using a 4cm/1½in cutter.

Place on a lined baking tray and bake for 10-12 minutes, or until light golden-brown and crisp. Remove and transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Whilst the biscuits cool, melt the white chocolate in a heatproof bowl over boiling water

When the biscuits and the chocolate have cooled, spread a layer of white chocolate and a layer of jam onto half of the biscuits. Top with the other half of the biscuits and allow the filling to set (you can place them in the fridge to speed this up if you wish)

Decorate as desired

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If you can resist eating it all, place your jammy-choccy biscuits into your box and let people marvel at your creation! ENJOY 🙂

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Gluten and Dairy-free Lemon & Poppyseed Traybake

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It’s been a while but I’m back and still baking FODMAP friendly delights… and this is no exception! Such a light, fluffy sponge and an icing to die for (honestly, I could have eaten a whole bowl of it). The original recipe comes from the queen of baking, Mary Berry. I adjusted it so that it was suitable for the FODMAP diet, i.e. so that I could scoff it all 🙂

Makes 16 squares

SPONGE

2 lemons
225 g Vitalite (or another dairy-free substitute)
225 g caster sugar
275 g  gluten-free self-raising flour
2 level tsp gluten-free baking powder
4 eggs
4 tbsp lactose-free milk
25 g poppy seeds

ICING

3 tbsp lemon juice, approximately
225 g icing sugar, sifted

Pre-heat the oven to 180C/160Fan/Gas 4. Grease and line a 30 x 23 x 4cm (12″ x 9″ x 1 1⁄2″) traybake tin or roasting tin with greased parchment paper.

Using a zester remove the zest from one lemon and set aside for garnish. Finely grate the rind from the other lemon. Measure all the ingredients into a large bowl, add the grated lemon rind and beat well by hand or with an electric hand whisk for about 2 minutes until well blended. Turn the mixture into the prepared tin and level the top.

Bake in the pre-heated oven for about 35-40 minutes or until the cake is shrinking from the sides of the tin and springs back when pressed in the centre with your fingertips. Leave to cool in the tin. Once cool turn out and remove paper.

For the icing, mix together the lemon juice, sieved icing sugar and mint to give a coating consistency. Spread out evenly over the cake sprinkle with reserved lemon zest and leave to set.

Cut into squares to serve.

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